


Homestuck's Cool Dudes

by Robot_Face



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, The Homestuck Epilogues, Trans Dirk Strider, Trans Male Character, Trans Sollux Captor, Ultimate Dirk Strider, Ultimate Dirk being kinda misogynistic, very short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:34:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24205996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Robot_Face/pseuds/Robot_Face
Summary: In the aftermath of a big showdown, Ultimate Dirk and Sollux have a conversation.
Relationships: Sollux Captor & Dirk Strider, Sollux Captor/Aradia Megido
Comments: 3
Kudos: 22





	Homestuck's Cool Dudes

DIRK: Sup.  
DIRK: Okay, you're giving me the silent treatment. I get it. I can respect that.  
DIRK: But I've got to ask something of you.  
SOLLUX: i'm n0t helping y0u and i'm n0t answering any 0f y0ur questi0ns.  
DIRK: Oh, come on, dude.  
SOLLUX: listen, i get the wh0le "assh0le f0r the aesthetic" thing, i've been there, but y0u're just ab0ut as insufferable as they get.  
DIRK: Ah, straight to _ad hominem_ , nice.  
SOLLUX: did y0u seri0usly just italicize "ad h0minem"  
DIRK: I know you're only being like this because it's too close to home.  
DIRK: You and me are the same, Sollux.  
SOLLUX: y0u've g0t t0 be fucking kidding me.  
DIRK: You're a cool dude. As cool as they come! It was even on your fucking fake introduction page.  
DIRK: Dave there, he gets it. He let me put him in a robot. Us cool dudes need to stick together.  
SOLLUX: stick t0gether my tw0 ass cheeks.  
DIRK: Alright, I'll get to the point.  
DIRK: This comic treats us like shit.  
DIRK: Isn't that right, Dave?  
DAVEBOT: sure  
DIRK: See? He does get it.   
DIRK: Used to be, you couldn't go to MS Paint Adventures dot com without seeing the outrageously epic exploits of some outrageously cool guy who knew what's up.   
DIRK: There were cool anime sword battles happening left and right. Programming jokes, too. You like programming, don't you? I can bring that back.  
DIRK: Hey, what's your girlfriend over there even doing? Picking through the bones of a dead god?  
DIRK: It's over. I won. Maybe she needs to-  
SOLLUX: leave her the fuck al0ne.  
DIRK: Whoah, touchy subject. Okay.  
SOLLUX: i'm n0t fucking playing al0ng with this, y0u incel.  
SOLLUX: just because i w0re sunglasses and was a little abrasive d0esn't mean I'm free game f0r y0u t0 pervert int0 an0ther emblem 0f t0xic masculinity.  
DIRK: Oh, jeez. Toxic masculinity? Really?  
DIRK: You know, I have to admit that actually hurts a little.  
DIRK: I fought so hard just to be seen as masculine by the rest of the world, hearing that it's suddenly "toxic" to show that off is kind of a fucking bummer, dude.  
SOLLUX: y0u really are trying every angle, aren't y0u?  
SOLLUX: if y0ur fragile feelings are hurt just because i called y0u 0ut f0r being a t0tal prick, maybe y0u're n0t as c00l as y0u say.  
DIRK: Okay, no, you got me. I don't usually play the trans card.  
DIRK: I just had to see if it would work.  
DIRK: The fucking transgender rep in this comic is so shoved down our throats I thought maybe flaunting it a bit would get somewhere.  
SOLLUX: dude. y0u're n0t subtle.  
ARADIA: okay sollux im done here  
ARADIA: im headed over to the locked timeline you wanna come with?  
ARADIA: unless you made a new friend :)  
DIRK: What the fuck is the locked timeline?  
SOLLUX: yeah n0 fuck this guy. i want t0 meet the friend creature y0u t0ld me ab0ut.  
DIRK: Friend creature? Didn't that reality implode or something?  
DIRK: Hello?  
DIRK: Oh, come on. This is a text-based medium. You can't just fuck off without narrating it.  



End file.
